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Trapped.

Posted by Joanne Ma on

 

"I knew it was coming.

It was one of those moments when it hits you like a ton of bricks. The moment you knew your mother was right. But what can I do now? I live in a home that's not my home. I'm married to a man who's not my husband. At least, he's not the man I thought was my husband. And now we have two kids. One is four and the other two. Both are with me all day long. I try to leave the house with them but every day feels like a struggle to get them ready. If we do leave, we're out for a short amount of time. Enough to get what we need at the grocery store and then head back home. My life has become routine. Why? Because of the strangle hold my husband has placed on me. Not physically. But emotionally, mentally, and financially. I have nothing under my name. I have nothing to offer my children. I have nothing to show them that I can care for them. I don't even bother fighting back anymore. Every evening is a battle of words which escalates to screaming and crying. Something I do not want my girls to get used to. I rather be diminished and accept what is said than to fight back and cause an environment that may be burned into my children's minds. And this breaks my heart every single day. I once believed that I could get myself out of this. But now with two little ones, I have no clue how. Without him, I will have nothing. My children will have nothing. 

If I could tell my girls something, it would be to always put themselves first, before any man. To fulfill their own happiness so that they can begin to fulfill others. What I feel is emptiness and it kills to me think I can't bring my girls happiness. Every night I go through my mind of how I can change this situation for my girls, but then every morning I get hit with a heavy dose of reality from the man I once loved. What can I do? I can't get a job. I'm uneducated. If I do get a job, where will the kids go? My job can't even pay for half of the daycare that we need and I won't be able to support my children. Even if I wanted to. So trapped. That's how I feel. Every single day." 

 

This was an excerpt of a mom who wrote in to share her current journey. A journey she feels can be relatable to some women out there. This is the first time she's done something like this and has already felt a bit of release by sharing. This diary submission was a way for her to share her struggles without being judged. She will remain anonymous for the safety of her children but as of now she has been seeking support in understanding how to deal with a domestic abusive partner with children. 

The reason for this post is to help one person feel free about writing something that's been haunting her for a very long time, and to perhaps help another person find peace in knowing she's not the only one. Additionally, we're hoping these diaries can help us as mothers unite on a personal level as we begin to open our hearts and be humbled by every one of our experiences. 

 


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2 comments

  • The Word of God speaks about abusive marriages – see below:

    Abusive Marriages The Word of God Speaks! –
    :( :(
    The final step is removal from the relationship. Matthew 18 says to separate from the unrepentant offender. I Tim. 5:8 says a man who does not provide for his family (provision = financial, spiritual, emotional protection and leadership) has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. God calls an unrepentant abusive spouse an unbeliever. That is not my judgment; it is God’s. I Cor. 5:11 says believers are not to associate with, are not even to eat with, a person who is verbally abusive (“railer”). And I Cor. 7:13-15 says that if an unbelieving spouse removes (walks away from the marriage covenant – which can include staying in the house but leaving the relationship) himself from the marriage, the believing wife is to let him go. It may seem backwards for the believing wife to leave – but we have to remember that the “leaving” happens when a spouse does violence to his house (Mal. 2:13-16). The believing wife who removes to safety is not the one who abandoned the relationship.

    I am a victim of domestic violence and have been for many years! I I can tell you this the only way out is to cry out to God – Get in the Word of God and as you acknowledge Him in all your ways – He will direct your paths and start the path to making the crooked straight! He will not forsake you or abandon you! God literally saved my life! Dare to trust God! There is no other way I can assure you! Never give up – get your bible out and go to Psalms 91 read it out loud every day – believe it – receive it- God’s Word never comes back void – it will always perform itself! God bless all women, children and men who are suffering any type of abuse and neglect!

    Margaret Herring on
  • Please call a domestic abuse hotline. There are shelters and people who can help you. You and your daughters will have each other. Safety is the most important thing for all of you. The other things will come.

    Anne on

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