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Alone, Angry, and Afraid

Posted by Joanne Ma on

Below is an entry from a fellow mama who is raising her young son on her own. Since hearing about this campaign, something in her lit up. Something she's been hiding for so long. Something that's kept a hold on her. Until now...

This is her diary. This is the beginning of her story...

 

"So often i feel really alone with how I feel, it  feels like nobody gets it.  But how do you talk about it? How do you say "today I feel really alone, and something triggered my ptsd/depression/anxiety so I'm feeling rather irritable and sad".  How do you explain that you're angry with yourself because you needed to go into a store that day, but couldn't go in because there were only men in that store and that made you really nervous.  When someone asks when you're going to start dating and all you want to say is "I can't date because I'm terrified of men that have an interest in me that way, because all I can think is that they're all going to be abusive".  But you say "nah I'm too busy being a single mom" because you don't want to sound crazy.  How do you explain to friends that it's not that you're avoiding them, but you're just having a day where being around people is very overwhelming, and unfortunately it happens a lot.  How do you explain that your ex who you haven't had contact with since you were pregnant still has a strong emotional hold on you.  That he has convinced you that you're no good, and not worthy, and though you know it's not true, you just can't shake it. 

My everyday life feels like I'm an irrational mess.  I'm constantly battling my brain.  And to be honest, I'm angry.  I'm so angry that someone can treat another so poorly and have no remorse for it, and here I am trying to live through the memories, trying to learn to cope.  My story is a long, painful one, it brought me to this place of struggles and fear, but also a place of joy and hope.  One day I'll be able to tell my story as ancient history.  And when that happens, I'll be the strongest I've ever been."

 

We want to send all our positive energy to this mama and to let her know she is do amazing. One day at a time. One step at a time. You are a warrior. 

Feel free to comment below if you feel a tug to share/support. Comments will be monitored as we are here to provide a positive and supportive platform for women to feel comfortable in sharing their stories to help and heal. 

If you have an entry you'd like to submit anonymously, email us at hello@modernfort.com. 


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  • You process so much strength now, and only more to come. xx <3 #youareawarrior

    Brandi on

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