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Autism Series: A Word of Anger and Pain

Posted by Joanne Ma on

Our Mama Diaries Series this month will focus on the world of autism. With April being autism awareness month, we are encouraging anyone who really wants to be raw and real about the effects of autism in their lives, to share them honestly and anonymously. The objective is to truly appreciate what a mother goes through day in and day out. From the moment she realizes something was not right, to the moment of diagnosis, to the world of treatments and therapies. All this and everything in between.

With that, we begin with a mother who began with overwhelming anger upon the diagnosis and how the world would react to her son because of it.

Due to the sensitivity of these diaries and the families involved, we encourage only positive and supportive comments to support these brave mothers.

AUTISM -  that very word angers me to the very core.  I have never detested such a word, it feels like poison on my lips that runs thru my veins fiery hot to my soul.  Autistic Child or Child with Autism, to me there is no political correctness, I hate this word and everything that is associated with it. 

I decided long ago that Autism itself never scared me.  I love my son, to me he is perfect in every way.  I do not think that he needs to be "fixed or tweaked."  If you met him you would understand why.  He is so full of love, laughter, happiness and he touches the heart of everyone he meets.  He does not quite fit into the Aspie mold, he is either here nor there within the diagnosis.  He has lots of neurotypical friends, lots of interests and carries on conversations like any other child.  There are moments where the "Autism" (for lack of no other word) exists and days where it is not apparent at all.  I have come to terms with his diagnosis, therapy, treatment and differences.  The diagnosis itself does not bother me I have come to embrace it and love the differences that make my son so special.

But that word "Autism" poisons my heart, fills me with such a blanket of sadness.  I have never loathed anything so much in my life.  It took me awhile to realize why.  Then one day I did.

Like many words it is the meaning that people give to it that empowers it. It is the ignorance of those around me who do not show tolerance and understanding.  The people who use the word with whispers and stares,  who fill the word with the venom that courses thru my veins.  The meaning they give to the word without taking the time to educate themselves in regards to it.  Parents who see the word as a disease and decide to cut their children out of your lives as if it is contagious or your child is not safe.  Family members that stop showing their love for your child and see the word "Autism" as an excuse for your child's behaviour not realizing that there is an antecedent that causes the "behaviour" and that your child is simply not trying to be "bad or rude."

This is why our world has become such a "Secret Society" and why parents of children on the spectrum are so afraid to share their child's diagnosis.  There is a fear of the stigma attached to the label and how people will perceive our children.

I have never loathed a word so much in my life and by the same token I have never loved anything in my life as much as I love my son.


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  • My heart goes out to you❤ Sending love and light always and repair for people’s ignorance. XO.

    A on

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