From one mother to another, sometimes we just need someone to see our struggles. This week’s mama diary is from Agatha Kerkhoff of Martina’s. Agatha shared her struggle with PPD in her blog several months back (you can read it here) but this time, she’s writing from someone who’s been through the thick of it.
There will be weeks when we’ll get a little more into a mother’s world and the home she’s built for her family, but this week… we’ll begin with some words that might help someone struggling out there to make sense of the weight on their shoulders.
I see you. I see you raising your little ones day by day. I see you waking early, working so you can spend more time with the little ones during the day. I see you trying, trying constantly to get it all done a little sooner, a little faster, a little tidier, a little straighter, a little better, a little neater… There is just so much to do and motherhood can be so challenging.
i see guilt.
I see you feeling guilty. Feeling guilty because the house is untidy and there are toys strewn about, feeling guilty because there’s dust on ledges and crumbs on the floor. I see you feeling guilty when they don’t get a well-rounded meal, wear matching clothes, or have their hair done and faces cleaned. I see you feeling guilty when the day isn’t going right, and you think it’s maybe something you’ve done—or haven’t done. You think it’s your fault.
|Don’t feel so guilty| you’re human, I’m human. #humanmama #thebestkindofmama
Not everything needs to be in order ALL of the time. There are children living here, growing here and making memories. They’re getting their hands dirty…making ‘pretty things’. They’re building sand castles, painting paintings, and colouring pictures. They’re dropping crumbs, but they are fed, their bellies are full and their hearts are happy.
i see tears.
I see you crying. Sometimes the tears just have to fall. Kids can test our patience many times a day and occasionally in the worst ways. I see tears of frustration when the little ones won’t get along, when they’re fighting over something seemingly insignificant. When the day is only half way done, and all you can feel is tired. I see you run out of patience or get frustrated. You feel terrible.
| It’s ok | to feel overwhelmed in the moment. It’s healthy to cry, to process and to listen to your heart.
Take a deep breath mama, and feel the feelings. Step back a moment and realize that you need a moment to be ok. These moments can refuel you, to move on throughout your day with vigour.
i see disappointment.
I see you’re feeling disappointed, it’s understandable. You’re feeling disappointed because you couldn’t quite get it all done today. Disappointed that it didn’t all work out exactly the way you wanted it to. Disappointed you couldn’t check off those things on your mental to-do list. You’re disappointed in you.
| Lower your expectations | a bit mama, be compassionate and realistic. You’re a supermom, and even supermom can only handle so much in a day. Focus on all you have already done. You’re doing the best you can. Let it be enough for you…it’s enough for them.
i see you.
I see you as you are. You are not alone, mama. Our imperfections connect us all. You mama, are moving mountains, every day. You are feeding them, you are loving them, you are doing the best you can.
| slow down| mama. Practice some self-care. Drink that cup of tea and put your feet up for a moment. You need it, you deserve it and it will help you mama.
One more thing dear mama,
“Beauty is defined by the heart inside your chest and the love that flows through it.” Imania Margria.